Fading Away
by Anawiel Dewdrop
Summary: A nightmare and a night under the stars gives Robin the chance to reflect. OneShot


Haha, I'm not dead. Yep, I've come back with, yep you guessed it, another songfic. I've been away for a while I know (but I notice I wasn't missed) and in my absence, I discovered yet another fantastic cartoon. I've found Teen Titans.

Consequently this is my first TT fic and I've only seen a few random episodes in not a very logical order so I'm not an expert on everyone's characters, personalities and histories so if I go wrong, a little nudge in the right direction would be appreciated.

I heard this song on the radio, then dug out my copy of the album and listened to the song again and then a rude little plot bunny snuck up and bit me.

Disclaimer: Robin and all other Teen Titans and anything else that belongs in their world is the property of DC comics and Warner Brothers. The song is by Simple Plan and it's called 'Untitled' I hope you like.

_Blah_ are the lyrics

_'Blah'_ are thoughts

Fading Away

He was running, running through a dark forest, the ebony branches snatched at his cape and ripped at his costume. Finger-like projections raked through his hair and tore at his exposed skin. The sky above him was blood red, discolouring the stars and bright full moon. Something was chasing him, something big and black. He couldn't see it directly but if he looked back he would catch a glimpse of it as it knocked down tress and scattered the ravens. Someone was laughing as he ran, laughing at him from all directions, but he couldn't focus on that, he had to run. He was running for his life, one trip, one stumble and it would all be over, his lungs were burning and his muscles were on fire. He knew he wouldn't last much longer, but he had to keep running, he had no other choice.

He saw it all before it was going to happen, but he couldn't stop himself. He saw the tree root, he felt it as it caught his boot and wrapped around his ankle like a snake, and in slow motion, he saw himself crash to the ground entangled in the black root. For a brief second he lay, face down in the mud, desperately trying to breathe, before he turned himself over and began attacking the root with his fingers, frantic to get back up and run again. His efforts were in vain. Before he could free himself the thing was upon him and the last thing he saw was a blinding white light.

_I open my eyes  
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light  
I can't remember how  
I can't remember why  
I'm lying here tonight_

He awoke with a start and a scream in his own bed, cold sweat dripping off him. His bare chest heaved as the feeling of breathlessness followed him to the conscious world. Startled he sat up and looked around his dark room, he took in the curtains and the bright light from behind them, he registered the walls and the sheets on his bed that were in disarray and tangled around his legs. He racked his brain for the memory of going to bed but it didn't seam to want to make itself known. Unsettled by the horrible dream he got up and moved over to the window. Gently he tugged one of the curtains aside and looked out at the city. It was a full moon tonight; it reflected on the water and revealed the city in shades of black and silver. For a brief second he winced as the unfiltered light hit his naked eyes, but he quickly adjusted and admired the view. He stood by his window and just watched his city until, for no apparent reason, standing in his room made him feel claustrophobic so he turned abruptly and left, heading for the roof.

A cool breeze embraced him as he emerged onto the top of the tower and he almost lamented the fact he had neglected to bring a shirt and was dressed in nothing but his shorts, but the feeling passed as he found that it wasn't unpleasant, but refreshing. He slowly walked across the smooth surface, his bare feet making barley any noise on the concrete, and looked out over the edge. The moon was even more beautiful from the roof. He crossed his arms over his chest to keep in a little warmth, closed his eyes and let his mind wonder. And wonder it did. He thought back to the day his whole life turned upside down, the event that turned him down the path he was treading today. That night in the circus when his parents had been murdered right before his eyes and he was literally taken under the wing of Gotham's protector, Batman.

_And I can't stand the pain  
And I can't make it go away  
No I can't stand the pain  
_

That wound had become a scar years before, yet every time he dared to prod it, it bled anew. The pain was just as fresh now as it had been then, all that had happened in the time since was that it had been buried and repressed under his overwhelming sense of duty and loyalty to his friends and his city. But what they didn't know was, that loyalty, and duty and constant 'go-get-um' attitude was all a front. A façade, a mask to conceal his pain, an attempt to take his mind from it and focus on other things. But sometimes, at night, when he is all by himself, he remembers. He removes his masks and lets the tears fall. But he is always careful to stay under Raven's scope. The last thing he would want would be his friend's interference. Well meaning as they were, he didn't want them to know, he could handle this all on his own.

_How could this happen to me  
I've made my mistakes  
Got nowhere to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me _

He opened his eyes and looked up at the cold beauty of the stars. The view was distorted by the tears that were flooding his eyes and leaving twin silver trails down his cheeks. This wasn't the first time he had come up here in the middle of the night, and it wouldn't be the last. This was where he retreated when he really wanted to be alone. This was where his heart could find some tranquillity during the drama of his day to day life. At night, on the roof, with the moon shining on him, he could remove the masks and just be Dick. But no-where else. Everywhere else he had to be Robin, unshakeable, reliable, loyal to a fault and strong. A leader.

Up here he had the time and space to think over his life, he frequently ran over all the mistakes he had made, all of his regrets and he was disturbed to find that the mistakes greatly outweighed the triumphs and moments he was proud of. It was at these times the other thoughts began to invade. The thoughts that took him up to the roof.

_Everybody's screaming  
I try to make a sound but no one hears me  
I'm slipping off the edge  
I'm hanging by a thread  
I wanna start this over again_

There were days when he felt that if he stood in the middle of the living room and screamed at the top of his lungs, no one would hear, let alone notice. And it was those days he felt the most selfish. He would reason with himself that even superheroes deserved some time alone once in a while, but then he would feel guilty for wanting the time alone. He was the communal shoulder to cry on, he had what could at some times be called a gift (other times he would call it a curse) he could sit next to anyone and they would open up to him. He seemed to have a kind of aura that put people at ease. There was however a downside to this, because he shouldered everyone's burdens, it made him unwilling to unload his own as he didn't want other people to worry about him, he didn't want anyone else to feel the way he did because he had to keep everyone's secrets.

From time to time, all those secrets, combined with his own problems, would culminate into what he was feeling right now. Helpless, alone, as if he were hanging from a precipice and he wasn't particularly bothered if he did fall. On days like these, he would shut himself away and train all day. He would punch out all of his frustrations until he was on the point of collapse. As he threw punches at enemies that were all in his head, he would wonder, wonder about what his life would have been like if he had never become Robin. If he had never donned his omnipresent mask…there were many times when he wished he could roll back the clock and just be Dick. But, of course, that was never going to happen.

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered  
And I can't explain what happened  
And I can't erase the things that I've done  
No I can't_

At times like this, when his heart was breaking and his soul was weeping, he threw his thoughts further. Further back in time, when he would thrill the audiences with his mid-air performances in the circus. He never felt freer than when he was flying though the air and he never felt more loved and accepted, than when he was caught. He had loved those days at the circus, his family was very close, they had to be to work as a team. Lack of communication could cause an accident, and an accident could cost a life. His life had gotten much more complicated since…the accident. Since then he had been a partner, rather that a member of a team, and then, had progressed to leader when the Titans had been formed. Now, on his young shoulders, his friends placed their trust and, on occasion, their lives. But he hadn't always been able to protect them. There had been times when he had become their worst enemy and done things he wished he could take back. But they were a part of him now, no matter how ashamed of them he may be.

_How could this happen to me  
I've made my mistakes  
Got nowhere to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me  
_

He had been having that recurring nightmare for years, ever since his parents…since the accident every night he tried to make sense of it but, as dreams are wont to do, it would slip away from him and leave him confused and frustrated. He thought that it had something to so with his parents murders, although some details had changed over the years. Those ravens hadn't been in that dream before, and his clothes had changed as he had. But the basis of the dream had remained constant, and it was driving him mad trying to work out what it all meant. And this was part of the ritual. He would have his nightmare and then wonder up to the roof to think.

_I've made my mistakes  
Got nowhere to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me_

Conforming to the next part of the ritual, he took a halting step, and then another, and another, until he was standing right on the edge of the roof. He looked down over the edge, then up at the stars. _'Will this be the night'_ he stood there for what felt like hours. He stood on the edge of the roof looking up at the stars and wondered if this would be his last night on earth. He found he was crying again, but he ignored the tears, they were just as much a part of the ritual as his standing there in the first place. He stood on the edge of the roof and flung his arms out from him, as if embracing the sky. He closed his eyes and bid the world goodbye. He teetered on the edge…and stopped. He opened his eyes, wiped away the tears, and bid the stars, hello. His arms fell back to his sides and he stepped back from the edge, then turned and re-entered the tower and eventually, returned to bed.

Tonight wasn't the night.

The End

This is a Robin fic 'cause he fascinates me and this song really suites him. Having never really read any of the comics and only seeing a couple of the movies, I am fairly ignorant of the whole TT and Batman world. I have no idea about any of the other Robins except Dick, all I know is that dick became Nightwing and then someone else became Robin but he died and was replaced by a third Robin…but I don't know anything about them except that one was called Tim.

Consequently in my mind, the TT Robin is Dick by default I know Dick was in the circus and by the way TT Robin moves, I would suspect a past in gymnastics at least. Of course in TT he is a bit young to have been a performer in the circus, have lost his parents and be trained by Batman for a few years before moving to Jump City but hey, who am I to consider such obscure things, live and let live and enjoy myself while I'm doing it, that's what I do. :D

I hope you liked it, despite how dark and horrible it is (but that seems be a bit of a speciality of mine). Please review, and remember, constructive criticism is much more appreciated than an out and out criticism, and it's harder to do so it will show off the extent of your intelligence.


End file.
